his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
