does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
