the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
