Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dicks are not precious.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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