the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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