White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
