just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
