Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
