she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
