omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
