you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
