I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
