So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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