You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
