how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
