He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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