As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
