He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
