I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
