I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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