my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
