So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Come see our sink grown plant.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
