I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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