I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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