I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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