I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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