I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
