I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
