Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
