Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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