Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
