..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
