Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
