It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
