I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My feet surprised me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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