Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
