is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
