that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
