i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
