mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
