If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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