I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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