I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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