I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
