what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
