i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
