did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
