literally had 100 drinks last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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