i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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