Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
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