I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
